About six years ago, I used to be a very narrow-minded person; I didn’t open myself to various options life offered me. If I wanted A, then I’ve got to have A. No matter how big it would cost me, or no matter how bad A was for me. Or no matter how good the other choices like B, C and D that came over, I would work my ass off to get A in the palm of my hand. I was born a hard-worker, so getting what I wanted was really a piece of cake.
After experiencing a hard time at college; failures, rejections and learned to be responsible of what I had chosen, surprisingly I turned into the exact opposite from what I was six years ago. I got used to accept reality; to make juices out of lemons. I happened to realize that life doesn’t work that way, sometimes life brings you to the state when you can’t always get what you want. Sometimes life pushes you into a realization that sometimes what you want the most isn’t always what you need. Indeed, reality bites. It causes you pain, it shakes your faith and core, it brings tears. It’s inevitably rough, and sometimes harsh. But that’s just… real world.
It’s not like that I stopped dreaming to get what I want. During that tough times, I discovered things that always live inside of me. For instance, I figured out that I am always in need of searching and covering current issues and news. I once firmly announced it as “something I live and breathe for”, and I once wholeheartedly believed that I was destined to be a journalist.
A year ago, I made a first step on the path of my own achievement. A year ago, I proved to people I can do that job for a living. Many were proud of me, because I was the true example of making a dream came true and deemed successful. Many were expecting me to continue living my dream; and by any chance, light up a little hope in their darkness of not enjoying what they do for a living.
But then again, how do you define success? How do you define ‘making dreams come true’ ?
My idea of being successful in life is when I get to do something I enjoy everyday and, at the same time, give back to my community by what I do. Learning from the past; I don’t want to spend another four years trapped in the burden of doing something I do not enjoy. Knowing my strength and love in writing; I kept telling people that after I graduated I only wanted to pursue career in journalism. I had real plans back then: apply to one of the most newspaper, work a year as a reporter and learn to cover business/economic stories (I have a big interest in finance/business/economic issues). After that I would like to take a master degree in finance abroad, and keep writing for newspaper/media so in the future I can have my own column published and give readers analysis weekly (or even daily). The plans were properly arranged; they were so neat I even made timeline out of it.
One thing that never revealed within my writings here is that I also keep another passion (besides my never-ending thirst of reading news and covering latest issues) inside of me. It lies in construction management. And God knows why I didn’t dare to share and made self-proclaimed statement like I did with my other passion; it was because I thought I would never be good enough in handling things under this discipline. It’s not that I didn’t realize that the passion was there; I was in denial to know that it was there all along. Therefore, I didn’t consider it as a career due to the strength I have in writing.
Therefore, I closed the door of possibilities of having career outside journalism. Therefore, I took steps back to where I was standing six years ago; to the close-mindedness and inflexibility; to pursue a single choice in life.
After I graduated, I was so persistent in pursuing a career in journalism. Months went by, and what came over were offers in construction management specialization. Somehow it snapped me. I wondered why these offers even came to me, the girl who has an awful academic history. I remember I once wondered: why do people offer me these jobs? I had terrible grades, what do they see in me? As much as I like it, why do they think I am good enough to handle this thing?
The self-talk lasted quite long. It required me to take a pause, and I looked back to things I’ve done in the past. I started to see that I was blinded by my persistence in determining a single career option because I was just not confident trying something else; not because I was incapable in doing the job. It hit me hard. The fact that I just changed into my old-self six years ago; someone who nurtured close-mindedness, was unacceptable for me. Didn’t I learn something from four years ago, I recall I once said this to myself.
So I regained all of my consciousness. I got myself together, and I took the chance. I postponed my plans in becoming a journalist, and I took a shot in accepting the job. I put my fear aside and started a new beginning, in doing something I like but never brave enough to admit.
It took massive courage for me to make this decision, but I did it anyway. And the funny thing is, I am starting to enjoy my work more and more each day.
As John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans”. In my case, I should say that they’ve got the point. I just didn’t understand it completely back then.
So when it comes on talking today, to anyone who’s been questioning what had happened in my life so then I switched direction and ‘ditched’ my dreams, I would gladly say:
My name is Vita; I once stated that I would pursue career ONLY in journalism and media business after I graduated.
But now I am working as Jr. Procurement engineer in one of the local EPC company who runs business in oil and gas industry.
And I’m enjoying this.
And that doesn’t mean that I’m done being a journalist and giving up my dreams to deliver the truth and stories by writing. I still have real plans on taking master degree in finance next year. I am hoping I will be a finance analyst who will be able to submit writings or analysis to media regularly. I am still keen in spreading useful information in my everyday life, but probably I will do it in the different way from what I had planned.
And while waiting for that time to come, let see what future holds for me.
